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Episodes
Thursday Sep 09, 2021
Thursday Sep 09, 2021
Thursday Sep 09, 2021
Wednesday Aug 18, 2021
Wednesday Aug 11, 2021
Wednesday Aug 11, 2021
The Ultimate Marriage
Ephesians 5:32-33 August 1, 2021
I. Introduction:
A. Take a look at this picture and let me know what you see!
1. How many see a young woman – like a model from Paris? How many see an
old woman?
2. If you see the young woman: look at the chin and think of it as a large nose,
and look at the young woman’s ear and think of it as an eye!
3. If you see the old woman: look at the old woman’s nose and think of it as the
left cheek of a face looking away from you, and look at the old woman’s eye
and think of it as an ear on a face looking away from you.
B. This picture reminds me of Ephesians 5:22-33 as there are really two pictures that
play off each other in this section.
1. As we read this section, it keeps going back and forth between the
relationship with Jesus and the church and the husband and wife! Which is it?
2. I have to be honest with you, even for this series I had to be as intentional and
thoughtful as I am with that picture of the woman to be able to see both
pictures clearly and in their proper context!
C. Turn to Ephesians 5:32-33 where he closes this section up and lets us know just
what it is about. Read v 32-33
1. V32 –
a) When he says the mystery is great here, he is not only referring to the
two becoming one in the verse before but to this whole section of the
love and respect relationship.
b) He tells us directly here that in this passage he is mainly speaking about
the relationship between Jesus and the church
2. V33 –
a) Note the first word of v33 - nevertheless = regardless or even in spite of
the fact that he is talking about Jesus and the church
b) Read v33
3. This passage is primarily talking about the love and respect relationship
between Jesus and the church but the husband and wife relationship should
also be one of love and respect.
4. This passage is written to the church, every believer in Jesus Christ married
or not to let us know about Jesus love for us and how we are to respond to
him in his headship and love
D. While our response to Jesus is to be one of submission to everything and
respecting/fearing Him, I want to focus for a few minutes on His love for us
shown in this passage.
1. We see in v25 that His love is a sacrificial love where He gave up His very
life for us to save us so we can have eternal life with Him in a glorious
eternal kingdom and abundant life right now. Read 25
2. We see the end goal of this salvation and love is our sanctification. Even
more specifically, it is a love like a bridal attendant who is getting the bride
ready for her special day when she is presented to her husband. Read v 26-
27
3. Then the third aspect of this love is we see v28-29 talking about husband
loving their wives as their own body by nourishing and cherishing them.
Then he says this at the end. Read v29-30
4. Bottom line, Jesus love is a sacrificial love that saves us from an eternity of
God’s wrath and a life of misery and emptiness. His love helps us become all
that God has created us to be by removing the spots and wrinkles from our
lives; and finally His love is an up-close personal love that cares for every
practical need!
• That is the way that Jesus loves you and His ….
II. Love is transforming
A. I can testify that God in His love for me has turned my life upside down and
inside out all for the good!
B. Turn to Ezekiel 16:4-14 where God talked about the power of His love upon
Israel when He loved her when no one else wanted her! Read
C. Brothers and sisters that is transforming power of the love that God wants to pour
upon you if you will open your heart to receive it
D. Gospel
1. John 3:16
• Let me close with a special word to those who are
III. Single, widowed, divorced!
A. Acknowledge that for most of you if not all of you, you are in a situation you did
not hope for, dream of, or pray for!
1. I know the pain is real and deep and this series has not been easy for you to
listen to.
2. You have desire for companionship and sexual desires – yes, it still is not
good to be alone.
a) I want you to know those desires are normal and there is not something
wrong with you or sinful for having them because God made us as
people who long for and need relationship.
b) Where it can become sinful is when you fulfil those desires in an
ungodly way
B. I want to share with you four practical words of advice for your situation.
1. Reframe or look through a new lens or even give a new title to the book of
your life when it comes to your situation that is more consistent with the truth
of God’s Word!
a) Whether you are married or single God’s goal for your life is to make
you holy not happy He will use your situation to do that
b) According to 1 Corinthians 7 being single keeps you from the extra
troubles that come from being responsible for others and opens
opportunities for you that married people would not have.
(1) Read 7:28
(2) 7:32-34a
c) I would encourage you to sit down with someone and brainstorm about
the troubles that singleness helps you avoid and opportunities that you
can plug into.
(1) Kim and I did that recently with a single friend and it was
interesting with the list we came up. I think Kim was wishing she
were single by the time we were done!
2. Yes, we all need companionship but do not get locked into tunnel vision
where you think the only way that can be met is by being married
a) Listen to Mark 10:28-30 as I read it
b) God can and does meet the need for companionship through friends
c) Illustrate with my target idea
3. Be careful that you are not missing the abundant life that God has for your
life because you are still hanging onto and waiting for your plan for your life
to happen.
a) Abundant life is not dependent upon being married but in knowing and
walking with Jesus.
b) God’s plan for your life, which is good, acceptable and perfect. Read
Romans 12:2
c) Embrace the day to day fulfilment of what God wants to bring in your
life with today’s blessings rather than holding on so tight to the global
desire in your life to be married
C. Finally, I want to ensure every believer in Jesus Christ that someday you will be
married, and you will be married to the best possible mate!
1. Read 2 Corinthians 11:2 – you are engaged
2. Read Revelation 19:7,…9
IV. Communion
A. Listen to Luke 22:15-18
B. As we take communion we often look back at the cross and do it in remembrance
of that but here Jesus tells us communion is designed to also cause us to look
forward to the crown, the reward, the kingdom that time when we will be the
bride of Jesus Christ and will reign with him forever.
C. As you take communion, I encourage you to look forward to that time and talk to
Jesus about whatever He is talking to you about today!
Wednesday Jul 28, 2021
Wednesday Jul 28, 2021
Submission the High Privilege, Precious and Powerful Attitude
Ephesians 5:22-24 July 25, 2021
I. Introduction:
A. They did it again! The world has hijacked another beautiful word from the
Christian experience and marriage and has turned it into something negative so
people avoid it or twist it or try to redefine it.
1. A hijack is when someone unlawfully seizes something that is not theirs and
they take it to use it for their own purposes and advantage!
2. Satan, the god of this world, has done that because as the father of lies he will
distort anything that will further the glory of God
3. We saw earlier in this series that Satan has hijacked the word helper and tries
to use it as something to make a wife feel inferior to her husband and that her
role in the relationship is insignificant.
4. He has done the exact same thing with the word submission! He has
convinced us it is an outdated concept that needs either to be rejected or
redefined!
B. This morning my goal is to encourage women who have embraced this glorious
attitude but who may be a little battle weary as they have taken a beating from the
world and from other women for it.
1. I want you to know from God’s Word, from God’s perspective, from the
eternal and heavenly perspective you are on the right path
2. So today, I want to share with you three biblical perspectives about
submission that will encourage you in this difficult journey as you walk in a
world that is seeking to squeeze you into its mold.
• The first is …
II. Submission is a high position, a high privilege!
A. If you take your lead from the Bible and not from the culture, we see that
submission is a high position and high privilege that a wife has in her marriage
because it is the unique and important role of picturing for us and the world the
response that the church should have towards Jesus!
B. Turn in your Bible to Ephesians 5:22
1. As I read this I want you to watch for two things:
a) Why a woman should submit to her husband
b) How the wife’s response to her husband is modeled off of the churches’
response to Jesus
c) Read 22-24
d) Read v 33 – we see here as he summarizes the section himself that
submission is an expression of respect!
2. We see right off the bat when he says in v22 “your own husband” that a
woman’s submission is directed towards her husband only and not all men.
a) We learned last week in v21 there is to be a general attitude of
submission every believer towards one another, but here it is addressing
the husband wife relationship
3. Next we see that submission is to be as to the Lord - v22
a) This submission that a wife gives her husband is an act of worship to the
Lord Jesus Christ
b) She places herself under the authority and leadership of her husband
ultimately for the Lord’s sake
4. Verse 23 tells us why she should submit to her husband. Read
a) The reason is that the husband is the God ordained head, the God
ordained leader and authority of that relationship.
b) We see that it is the same position that Jesus has over the church.
c) Now you may be feeling there he goes – he is telling us wives we are
inferior to our husbands, doormats for them to step on and order around!
(1) No, we learned a few weeks ago that men and women are
absolutely equal in dignity, personhood and spiritual standing
before God, but we are gloriously different in makeup and
function.
(2) If you say that submission makes you inferior or a doormat then
you are taking a shot at the trinity and the Lord Jesus Himself.
because Jesus lived his whole life in submission to the Father as
He did nothing of His own initiative but only that which the Father
told Him to do
(3) Listen to what 1 Corinthians 11:3 says
(a) To say the headship of man over woman makes a woman
inferior to man is to say that Jesus is inferior to the Father.
(b) And that is a shot at the very core of Jesus as God and the
trinity
5. To say that role or function of a wife as being submissive is insignificant or
lowly then you miss the whole point of Ephesians 5.
a) Read v24.
b) In this passage we learn that the wife has the high privilege and high
position to picture for us the response that Jesus’ bride, the church has to
Him
C. I am going to take this high privilege high position idea even a step further –
submission pictures for us what true worship looks like.
1. A while back I did a message on worship and explained to you how I define
it in light of the Hebrew and Greek words for worship
a) The Hebrew word means to bow down and the Greek word means to kiss
towards.
2. So the heart of worship is not singing songs but an entire life in submission to
God (authority and leading us through His word and will) out of love and
respect for Him!
D. There is no picture that Satan wants to put his graffiti on more and distort more
than the picture of submission – lovingly, willingly and respectfully responding to
Jesus in obedience as my service of worship to Him.
1. Wives you have the high privilege of modeling for us what the heart of
worship really looks like since things are better caught than taught, better
understood when lived out in front of us than preached in a sermon!
2. The world desperately needs that picture, the church desperately needs that
picture, marriages desperately need that picture, our kids desperately
desperately need that picture, Pastor Pat desperately needs that picture so I
can excel still the more in my responses and worship to the Lord.
3. I want to thank you ladies and my lovely bride Kimberly who have embraced
that high position and high privilege of submission as a wife for what I have
already learned how to better walk with and worship the Lord from your
example!
• Turn to 1 Peter 3 as the second perspective we learn is that
III.A heart of submission is precious to the Lord
A. This passage in v1-6 is driven by the idea of submission. Read v1a
B. As we go down to verse 3 and 4 he tells us that submission is much more than
external obedience but rather is it is an internal quality that resides in the hidden
person of the heart.
1. We learned last week that while obedience is an external act that does not
require either willingness or a bond with the person I am doing it with,
submission on the other hand is a willful and respectful act, which is done
towards someone with whom I have a bond.
2. Watch for this heart attitude of submission as I read this. Read v3-5
C. What I want to encourage you wives with today is what it says right at the end of
v4 about those wives that have this imperishable quality in their hearts.
1. Read v4c – precious to the Lord. Read again – read again
2. While submission may be looked down upon, be distasteful and considered
outdated by the world you need to know that a heart of submission by a wife
is precious in the sight of God.
3. Let me encourage you to be like Sarah and do not let anyone frighten or
intimidate you from that high position of submission. Read v5-6
• Finally I want you to know that
IV.Submission is powerful
A. Look back at v1 in this section. Read v1-2
B. Submission has the power to influence! That is all done without a word of trying
to convince him with your many words, but rather behavior that wins him over!
C. Here is the reality – when a husband and wife are walking with each other,
valuing and plugging into their differences as a blessing, which we learned in
Genesis 2, and submitting to each other out of respect for each other and the Lord
as verse v21 teaches. And here in v22 -33 when a husband is submitting to his
wife by loving her by laying down his life for her and she is respecting him by
submitting to his leadership then submission rarely becomes an issue but rather is
a beautiful dance!
1. When you walk like that – humbly listening to, valuing, and considering the
other’s opinion as they seek a win-win decision!
2. Kim’s attitude of respect and willingness to submit opens my heart to listen
to her even more.
3. In 43 years of marriage, I have had to pull out trump card of submission
because of my position as head in our relationship only two times!
D. I think the book of Esther is the strongest example we have in Scripture of the
power of submission.
1. In the first chapter, we see king of Persia and Media gave a command for his
queen to come join him at the banquet he was throwing and she refused.
2. This made him very angry and was concerned that her behavior would
become known to all the women causing them to look with contempt on upon
the leadership of their husbands in their homes!
a) Read Esther 1:17-18.
b) As a result, she was removed from being queen!
3. After a long search for a new queen, Esther a Jewish woman became the
queen. She was a beautiful woman who had great favor with the king as she
walked respectfully and submissively to her husband the king.
4. Long story short, God used the influence of this woman upon the king to save
the lives of the Jewish nation from slaughter and to protect the line of the
Messiah.
E. Humble, respectful submission carries a powerful influence with a husband that
will open a door to influence him.
1. There will be many significant situations in life when that opportunity to
influence your husband will present itself.
2. At those times like uncle Mordechai told Queen Esther. Read Esther 4:14d
Wednesday Jul 28, 2021
Wednesday Jul 28, 2021
The Grace of Submission
Ephesians 5:21 July 18, 2021
I. Introduction:
A. Today I want to talk about one of the most beautiful and Christ-like graces, a
grace that should be at the heart of all our relationships as Christians
1. I call it a grace because it is a byproduct of being filled by the Holy Spirit of
God.
2. This grace is also very anti-North American which goes against the very
“independent” “me first” culture we live in.
3. It is a grace that has gotten a bad rap in the church by those who are more
influenced by the culture than they are by the Scriptures
4. This grace is submission.
B. Turn in your Bibles to Ephesians 5
1. We learned a few months ago when we studied this passage that being filled
with the Holy Spirit manifest four specific graces within us and these graces
both are the result of and when practiced reinforce us be filled by the Holy
Spirit!
2. These four graces are:
a) A heart fill with God’s Word and speaking it to one another
b) A singing heart of worship to the Lord
c) A heart of gratitude
d) A submission to one another in the body of Christ
C. Our specific concern today is with v21, which is the fourth result of being filled
with the Spirit! Read v21
1. We want to focus on that because it is the transitional verse that drives the
relationships that follows in the rest of chapter 5 and start of chapter 6, which
defines how we each submit to each other.
a) Husband – wife (love by laying down your life – respect by submitting
to the leadership of)
b) Child - parent
c) Servant – master, for us employee - employer
D. Submission simply means to rank oneself under someone else.
1. A synonym, a word with a similar meaning is: humility. Turn and read
Philippians 2:3-9
2. While obedience is a part of submission, submission in this passage has an
additional element to it that makes it very different.
a) Submission here is a willful and respectful act that comes from within
between two people who have a bond with each other.
(1) Here it is done out of a motive of love and respect for the Lord.
Reread v21
(2) Ultimately, we submit to each other for the Lord’s sake, out of
respect for Him and the structures and order that He has set up in
our relationships.
b) Obedience – can be done as a mere external act only, one that does not
require either a willingness or a bond between the people doing it.
E. So bottom line, submission is a grace that causes me to put myself below others
with humility rather than lifting myself up and fighting for my ways and rights.
1. It goes right for the heart of selfishness which marriage certainly allows us to
get in touch with how selfish we can be
2. It upsets our flesh as Romans 8 says the mind set on the flesh does not
subject itself to the law of God!
• Since submission is right at the heart of the way we relate to one another in marriage,
and a life of submission requires a life filled with the Holy Spirit! So our …
II. Marriage requires a deep dependence upon the Holy Spirit.
A. Remember our context – read Ephesians 5:18-21
B. When you think back of everything we have already talked about with marriage
…
1. Building on God’s foundations rather than our own and looking for marriage
to make us more holy than happy.
2. Where I study my mate to be able to bless them and accept them and embrace
them as they are today, not who we were when we got married
3. Living it like a covenant rather than a contract where I lay down my entire
life to live for them.
4. Learning to do the dance of oneness where I see and value their differences
as a blessing.
5. Where wives submit to and respect their husbands and husbands love and
cherish their wives!
6. Even today’s truth where we live humbly with each other, willingly
submitting our lives to each other for the Lord’s glory and each other’s
benefit.
C. If we are honest with ourselves, we will need God to do a miracle within us to
pull this thing off in a way that will be fulfilling to us and a blessing to our mates
and others!
1. What is impossible for us is Him-possible!
2. As we said earlier in this series, marital skills are important but depending
upon the Spirit of Jesus is essential.
D. Walking with and depending upon the spirit of Jesus has to be our number one
priority and relationship for the sake of the person we are married to and even our
own fulfilment and joy in marriage. But we must also seek to learn more and
sharpen our skills as well!
• Finally this series is being done
III. More as an architect than an engineer.
A. An architect makes the blueprints for a buildings appearance and function. An
engineer, on the other hand, will help put the architect’s plans into action. They
will figure out what is physically possible and what materials will be used.
They’ll also make decisions on issues of practicality and safety.
B. I know I am giving this series more like an architect as I lay out the biblical blue
print for marriage as to how it is to look and function. I have tried to throw in
some applications that move us more into the engineer realm.
1. The Holy Spirit is the engineer that takes our real life situations and
relationships, brokenness and uniquenesses and shows us how they work out
for us practically in our unique relationship and situation.
2. The Holy Spirit uses all sorts of different materials, people and practices to
teach us how God’s design for marriage, which we learn in the Bible, is to
work out in the streets of our daily life.
C. So being fully aware that every marriage in this room needs unique wisdom to
apply what they have learned and knowing that some of those are in crisis or
heading that way and desperately need help I want to close by giving you a few
resources that can help you engineer your marriage
D. Three books I have read
1. Cherish – Gary Thomas –teaches us what it looks like and practical ideas on
how to love our mates more out of the delight and want to of cherishing than
they have to of commitment!
2. You and Me Forever – Francis and Lisa Chan – takes the long view on
marriage all the way into eternity and rather than focusing on getting our
mates ready for retirement and the last few years here on earth how to get
them ready for the time we stand before Jesus. Living our marriage as part of
our mission for Jesus!
3. His Needs Her Needs – Willard Harley – his goal is to help us build a
marriage that lasts and to affair proof our marriages by helping us understand
what are practical ways to meet each other’s unique emotional needs! He
helps us understand our love tanks and the five top emotional needs of most
men and women!
4. Finally, any book on marriage will do. Read a chapter a week, then together
have a cup of coffee, and share with one another how God is speaking to you
about you through that chapter. There are hundreds of books and hundreds of
areas in marriage that need to be addressed!
E. Round table coming up 11:15 on August 22
1. Bottom line, we want to help and resource marriage to either build, maintain,
excel or address breakdowns in their marriage through practical, real life, on
the streets questions and advice.
2. We hope to have an updated resource list for those who have needs beyond
our ability to meet.
3. Take advantage of this, as we will be having two Christians who are
professional counselors on this round table as well as Kim and myself!
4. Make your questions super practical and super honest! To place a question
text marriage to 708 359 6610
F. Plugging into a mentor is like putting your relationship on steroids.
1. Someone further down the road than you that you can be honest with and
they can speak specifically to you right where you are at and what they have
learned.
2. Look around and ask!
G. A professional counselor may be needed for situations that are in crisis or are just
stuck!
1. That professionally trained and biblically knowledgeable counselor can give
you great wisdom to get you unstuck and excel in your marriage
H. Plug into a class, small group or seminar that will help you grow as a healthy
person or in your marriage
1. Emotional resilience on Tuesday nights here. The healthier you are the
healthier your marriage can be.
2. We have a series on finances that MVC now has on You Tube and will still
be offering more. Money is one of the major marriage stressors
3. Being in a small group and being honest with others about where you are at
for counsel, support and prayer is a great resource.
I. Prayer – allow us to put one hand on God and the other on our marriage and bring
the wisdom and power of God into our marriages!
1. After service
2. Partner or two
Monday Jul 19, 2021
Monday Jul 19, 2021
The Original Marriage
Genesis 2 July 11, 2021
I. Introduction:
A. We are living in a time when the very foundations of marriage are being
questioned – questions like: who is marriage for, what is its purpose, how should
it operate; then add to that so many different people speaking into it as if they are
authorities on this.
1. Our culture no longer seeks to find truth but rather constructs its own
subjective personal truth, which results in great confusion about marriage.
2. We as Christians believe there is an objective truth outside of ourselves
regarding marriage that we discover in God and His Word.
3. So let me ask you right at the start – where or who do you look to in order to
get your answers about marriage!
B. So this morning I want to go back to the original marriage where this whole thing
of marriage began with Adam and Eve, so we can see the original design and
purpose for marriage.
1. A design and purpose that is still true today because it is built into the very
nature of marriage!
• So turn in your Bibles to …
II. Genesis 2
A. In chapter 2, He goes back and gives us more detail about what happened on the
sixth day when He created both man and woman and the institution of marriage!
1. Read Genesis 2:18a
2. As we go on in this section God comes up with the solution to this problem
of man’s aloneness – being separated from others in isolation.
B. So the structure to this passage is simple:
1. Problem: aloneness - v18a
2. God’s solution: suitable helper - v 18b
a) Search for a suitable helper - v19-20
b) Creation of suitable helper - v21-23
3. Creation of institution of marriage – v24
C. Read – remember
1. V 19 – earlier in day 6 God had created the animals and now He was bringing
them before Adam
2. V 23 – read this as my Hebrew professor taught us the way the Hebrew
actually should read this – wow! I still have the wow!
• So let’s start by looking at the
III. Woman created as the suitable helper
A. Reread v18
B. We learn in this passage that man and woman are the God created perfect fit and
help to each other.
C. That is what the word suitable means – something that fits another perfectly, the
counter-part, the complement, the answer to what the other needs, the one who
corresponds to, the one who is just right for, the one who harmonizes perfectly
with the other!
1. So it is someone who is different enough to supply what the other lacks but is
similar enough to fit smoothly! They are the perfect answer to what the other
one needs
2. Illustrate with the hands
D. Let’s take the cultural steroids out of the word helper as many have been jacked
up feeling that the word helper means women are inferior to men and just are their
sidekick helpers!
1. If that is your case, it shows you have been more influenced by the culture
than you have been by the Scriptures.
2. Because this word for helper is often used in Scripture of God helping man
and helping Israel, it clearly is not a position of inferiority, it is just a fact that
man needs help!
E. What does he need help for? We learn back in Genesis 1 that God gave man and
woman together the responsibility to subdue the earth and rule over His creation.
We also learn that in Genesis 2 he was to cultivate the garden.
1. Bottom line –marriage is God’s gift to man and woman to have someone to
help them live out all the responsibilities, someone who is an equal who is
similar enough to him yet different enough to provide the help needed.
2. What if you are single? God has given the gift others in the body of Christ to
come along side of you with their differences to support you. Marriage is just
a very unique way God does it.
F. God created the woman to be man’s the suitable helper!
1. We learn in Genesis 1-2 that men and women are absolutely equal in their
dignity and personhood but gloriously different on purpose in order to help
each another.
• All of this drives us into the very
IV. Purpose of marriage
A. Read v24
1. For this reason – that man and women are the perfect complement to each
other and that woman was taken out of man.
2. For this reason... read rest
B. Marriage is all about two absolutely equal but gloriously different people, a man
and a woman, leaving their family of origin to form a brand new family unit,
called “one flesh.”
1. Marriage is all about these two different people blending their entire life
together into one harmonious unit.
2. Unity is not about being the same, or acting alike or even losing your
individual identity.
3. It is quite the opposite. Unity is the blending together in perfect harmony
that which is different.
4. The beautiful dance of two becoming one
• I want to leave us with one key application today
V. God designed our differences to be a blessing!
A. Our differences as male, female and individual human beings are designed to
bless and provide what is lacking for our mate. But Satan uses our differences to
create conflict and separate us!
B. We need to learn to appreciate and tap into our mate’s differences for our own
good!
1. Kim and I are as different as they come! Learning to appreciate and be
blessed by our differences was clearly a long slow difficult process.
2. One area in particular was in the way we think – I am very logical, analytical,
theoretical and internal processor. Kim also is logical but she is more
intuitive, practical, and an external processor.
3. Early on, I thought my way of thinking and processing was superior to Kim’s
and that God wanted me to help her learn a better way to think! As you
might imagine, this was a source of frustration and tension in our
relationship.
4. Long story short - God humbled me many times by showing me often Kim
way of thinking was in the end right and mine was not!
a) I learned that Kim’s way was not inferior but different and I needed to
learn how to gain value from her way of thinking. Learning how to
bring together the two different thoughts and find the better thought, we
can have together as we value and listen to one another!
b) Now I recognize I need Kim’s perspective so I pursue and respect it
before making major decisions
C. Men and women are gloriously different in so many ways and while there are
some generalities that are true of many in each of the two genders, it is not true of
all. Our responsibility is to study and know our particular and unique husband
and wife!
1. We have different personalities, different strengths and weaknesses, different
energy levels and likes and dislikes.
2. We have personal histories that are different, as Kim said a few weeks ago
we are all living a one of a kind story that has never been lived by anyone
before!
3. Our families of origins have deeply affected the way we handle money,
conflict resolution, attitudes towards sex, friendships, recreation, religious
beliefs etc.
4. All of these differences can either bless or frustrate!
D. The two becoming one can be like going on a rafting ride together. You get in the
raft together and at the start, it’s just a lot of fun as you move with the current.
But at some point two different and mighty rivers merge together
1. When they first merge, there is great turbulence and disturbance but once the
two different rivers finally blend and run together it becomes one new mighty
river.
2. The same is true of our marriages – once we learn to navigate and benefit
from the great turbulence and disturbance that our differences bring our
marriages can become a mighty force for God’s glory, blessing each other
and blessing others!
E. So if you are struggling with these differences or the two of you blending together
as one let me encourage you with two things:
1. First, reframe the way you look at your differences,
a) Change the way you think about your differences from something that is
bad, inferior, wrong or needs to be changed,
b) To something that is valuable, a blessing to appreciate and designed to
make you even better!
2. Secondly, live by the truth of 1 Peter 2:25. Read
a) Trust Jesus to point out, sort out and guide you through the hundreds of
things deep within that must be addressed. So you can dance well the
dance of two becoming one and so you can be a blessing to each other
and those around you!
Wednesday Jul 07, 2021
Wednesday Jul 07, 2021
The Original Marriage
Genesis 2 July 11, 2021
I. Introduction:
A. We are living in a time when the very foundations of marriage are being
questioned – questions like: who is marriage for, what is its purpose, how should
it operate; then add to that so many different people speaking into it as if they are
authorities on this.
1. Our culture no longer seeks to find truth but rather constructs its own
subjective personal truth, which results in great confusion about marriage.
2. We as Christians believe there is an objective truth outside of ourselves
regarding marriage that we discover in God and His Word.
3. So let me ask you right at the start – where or who do you look to in order to
get your answers about marriage!
B. So this morning I want to go back to the original marriage where this whole thing
of marriage began with Adam and Eve, so we can see the original design and
purpose for marriage.
1. A design and purpose that is still true today because it is built into the very
nature of marriage!
• So turn in your Bibles to …
II. Genesis 2
A. In chapter 2, He goes back and gives us more detail about what happened on the
sixth day when He created both man and woman and the institution of marriage!
1. Read Genesis 2:18a
2. As we go on in this section God comes up with the solution to this problem
of man’s aloneness – being separated from others in isolation.
B. So the structure to this passage is simple:
1. Problem: aloneness - v18a
2. God’s solution: suitable helper - v 18b
a) Search for a suitable helper - v19-20
b) Creation of suitable helper - v21-23
3. Creation of institution of marriage – v24
C. Read – remember
1. V 19 – earlier in day 6 God had created the animals and now He was bringing
them before Adam
2. V 23 – read this as my Hebrew professor taught us the way the Hebrew
actually should read this – wow! I still have the wow!
• So let’s start by looking at the
III. Woman created as the suitable helper
A. Reread v18
B. We learn in this passage that man and woman are the God created perfect fit and
help to each other.
C. That is what the word suitable means – something that fits another perfectly, the
counter-part, the complement, the answer to what the other needs, the one who
corresponds to, the one who is just right for, the one who harmonizes perfectly
with the other!
1. So it is someone who is different enough to supply what the other lacks but is
similar enough to fit smoothly! They are the perfect answer to what the other
one needs
2. Illustrate with the hands
D. Let’s take the cultural steroids out of the word helper as many have been jacked
up feeling that the word helper means women are inferior to men and just are their
sidekick helpers!
1. If that is your case, it shows you have been more influenced by the culture
than you have been by the Scriptures.
2. Because this word for helper is often used in Scripture of God helping man
and helping Israel, it clearly is not a position of inferiority, it is just a fact that
man needs help!
E. What does he need help for? We learn back in Genesis 1 that God gave man and
woman together the responsibility to subdue the earth and rule over His creation.
We also learn that in Genesis 2 he was to cultivate the garden.
1. Bottom line –marriage is God’s gift to man and woman to have someone to
help them live out all the responsibilities, someone who is an equal who is
similar enough to him yet different enough to provide the help needed.
2. What if you are single? God has given the gift others in the body of Christ to
come along side of you with their differences to support you. Marriage is just
a very unique way God does it.
F. God created the woman to be man’s the suitable helper!
1. We learn in Genesis 1-2 that men and women are absolutely equal in their
dignity and personhood but gloriously different on purpose in order to help
each another.
• All of this drives us into the very
IV. Purpose of marriage
A. Read v24
1. For this reason – that man and women are the perfect complement to each
other and that woman was taken out of man.
2. For this reason... read rest
B. Marriage is all about two absolutely equal but gloriously different people, a man
and a woman, leaving their family of origin to form a brand new family unit,
called “one flesh.”
1. Marriage is all about these two different people blending their entire life
together into one harmonious unit.
2. Unity is not about being the same, or acting alike or even losing your
individual identity.
3. It is quite the opposite. Unity is the blending together in perfect harmony
that which is different.
4. The beautiful dance of two becoming one
• I want to leave us with one key application today
V. God designed our differences to be a blessing!
A. Our differences as male, female and individual human beings are designed to
bless and provide what is lacking for our mate. But Satan uses our differences to
create conflict and separate us!
B. We need to learn to appreciate and tap into our mate’s differences for our own
good!
1. Kim and I are as different as they come! Learning to appreciate and be
blessed by our differences was clearly a long slow difficult process.
2. One area in particular was in the way we think – I am very logical, analytical,
theoretical and internal processor. Kim also is logical but she is more
intuitive, practical, and an external processor.
3. Early on, I thought my way of thinking and processing was superior to Kim’s
and that God wanted me to help her learn a better way to think! As you
might imagine, this was a source of frustration and tension in our
relationship.
4. Long story short - God humbled me many times by showing me often Kim
way of thinking was in the end right and mine was not!
a) I learned that Kim’s way was not inferior but different and I needed to
learn how to gain value from her way of thinking. Learning how to
bring together the two different thoughts and find the better thought, we
can have together as we value and listen to one another!
b) Now I recognize I need Kim’s perspective so I pursue and respect it
before making major decisions
C. Men and women are gloriously different in so many ways and while there are
some generalities that are true of many in each of the two genders, it is not true of
all. Our responsibility is to study and know our particular and unique husband
and wife!
1. We have different personalities, different strengths and weaknesses, different
energy levels and likes and dislikes.
2. We have personal histories that are different, as Kim said a few weeks ago
we are all living a one of a kind story that has never been lived by anyone
before!
3. Our families of origins have deeply affected the way we handle money,
conflict resolution, attitudes towards sex, friendships, recreation, religious
beliefs etc.
4. All of these differences can either bless or frustrate!
D. The two becoming one can be like going on a rafting ride together. You get in the
raft together and at the start, it’s just a lot of fun as you move with the current.
But at some point two different and mighty rivers merge together
1. When they first merge, there is great turbulence and disturbance but once the
two different rivers finally blend and run together it becomes one new mighty
river.
2. The same is true of our marriages – once we learn to navigate and benefit
from the great turbulence and disturbance that our differences bring our
marriages can become a mighty force for God’s glory, blessing each other
and blessing others!
E. So if you are struggling with these differences or the two of you blending together
as one let me encourage you with two things:
1. First, reframe the way you look at your differences,
a) Change the way you think about your differences from something that is
bad, inferior, wrong or needs to be changed,
b) To something that is valuable, a blessing to appreciate and designed to
make you even better!
2. Secondly, live by the truth of 1 Peter 2:25. Read
a) Trust Jesus to point out, sort out and guide you through the hundreds of
things deep within that must be addressed. So you can dance well the
dance of two becoming one and so you can be a blessing to each other
and those around you!
Monday Jun 28, 2021
Monday Jun 28, 2021
Waking Up to Your Mates World
June 27, 2021 MVC
I. Our Relationship
A. Let me start by saying that Kim and I have had a very good marriage relationship
but we definitely hit a wall about 20 years into our marriage where things were
not too pretty!
1. Today we want to share with you that story and some lessons we have
learned along the way hoping that you will be able to find something that
connects with and helps you!
B. Kim and I had become what I call “professional husband and wife” and
“professional parents.”
1. By that I do not mean that we have become so great in those areas that we are
in a higher category than others but rather that we have learned the routine
well, we know what we need to do and we were doing it well.
a. We have learned well how to juggle all of the different responsibilities
and schedules and we are doing what we need to do.
2. But also by professional I mean that we have learned to do it in a way that all
the external things were done (kids to school and events, bills paid, house
taken care of, meals were made), but internally our hearts were getting more
and more dry and distant from each other.
3. Somehow, with all the busyness and responsibilities of life we were not
intentional nor gave the time needed to keep the internal fire going in our
relationship.
a. By internal fire, I am referring to that thing that the Scripture calls
“cherishing.”
b. That is the heart disposition that holds the other person as dear. It is those
tender affectionate feelings that cause you to treasure the other person, to
hold them as a special prize, to esteem and admire.
4. We found ourselves set into some patterns in our relationship that over the
long run were deadly.
5. Some years ago, the Saturday Evening Post ran a humorous article that traced
the tendency for marriage partners to drift from a height of bliss into the
humdrum of routine attitudes. That article perfectly described the drift in our
relationship! The article was called the “seven ages of a married cold.” The
article likens the state of the marriage to the reaction of a husband to his
wife’s colds.
Year 1- “baby girl, I’m worried about you. You have a bad sniffle and there is
no telling about these things with all this strep around. I am putting you in the
hospital this afternoon for a general checkup and a good rest. I know the food
is lousy, but I’ll bring your meals in from Rossini’s. I’ve already got it
arranged with the floor superintendent.”
Year 2- “listen darling, I don’t like the sound of that cough and I’ve called
Doc Miller to rush over here. Now you go to bed like a good girl, please. Just
for papa.”
Year 3-, “maybe you’d better lie down, honey; nothing like a little rest when
you feel punk. I’ll bring you something to eat. Have we got any soup?”
Year 4- “look, dear, be sensible. After you feed the kids and get the dishes
washed, you’d better hit the sack.”
Year 5-, “why don’t you get yourself a couple of aspirin?”
Year 6- “if you’d just gargle or something, instead of sitting around barking
like a seal!”
Year 7- “for Pete’s sake, stop sneezing! Whatcha trying to do, gimme
pneumonia?”
6. Back then Pat and I found our marriage to be somewhere between year 6 & 7.
It became a wakeup call for us.
C. We were beginning to be very short with one another and I was getting to the
place where I was not that excited about coming home at night and she was pretty
happy to see me leave in the morning.
1. To me it felt like our relationship was on two different tracks. We were like
two trains heading the same direction but each on a separate track next to each
other!
2. For a few years, I had been struggling with my health to the point that I was
close to bedridden for many months. My doctors could not determine what
was going on so we went to Mayo Clinic. I was diagnosed with an
autoimmune disorder called fibromyalgia. It is a muscle/neurological
disorder, which causes chronic pain & fatigue.
a. There is no cure for this, but rather you learn to live with it by managing it
through various lifestyle changes. There are medications to help ease the
pain but the side effects are not worth it to me.
b. I was always a very active & athletic person with a high energy level. I
found myself restricted with many limitations in what I could do. In the
beginning this situation left me very incapacitated, discouraged and
grieving the loss of the person I had become. I was wrestling with
embracing and accepting these limitations and struggling with figuring out
how to live my life in light of them.
3. Pat found himself picking up much of the load of what I had to let go of. At
first he picked it up with joy because we finally had a clear diagnosis, but as
time went on it became a huge burden and Pat found himself resentful and
angry with me for the person I had become.
4. How do you tell your wife that you are not sure that you even like your wife
any more, especially when you are the senior pastor of a church and you have
been preaching a series on becoming lovers of God and people?
5. We went to bed one Saturday evening after another hard day with one another.
We had a rough exchange of words a couple of hours before and had spoken
little to each other. I finally turned to Pat and said, “Pat, I want to apologize
for the person that I have become. I know I am not the person you married 20
years ago and I don’t like the person I’ve become either. In fact, I’m grieving
the person I once was, full of energy and life.”
a. You do not know how that freed up my heart. What I was feeling was
true, she has changed and even she knows it. I had the best night of
sleep that I had had in months
6. The next morning I was able to share with Kim how I was feeling and that I
had been deeply disappointed in the person she had become and the changes
that had taken place in our life.
E. My sharing with Kim the disappointments that I was feeling allowed her to come
in touch and freed up to communicate to me the disappointments that she had with
our relationship and me.
1. Her primary disappointment was that
a. I had not provided for her a very exciting life,
b. The church had become the “other woman” in my life and she and the
girls were pushed to the side.
c. She was dying on the inside and now battling her physical health
2. I did not defend myself because instantly I knew that she was right. You see
an exciting date in the Peglow household is going to a small group meeting, or
assisting me in a counseling session, or going to some ministry activity or to a
child’s sporting event or school activity. Other than that, there is not much
going.
3. I put no intentionality or creative energy into our marriage relationship.
F. We knew we were in trouble and God in His grace put in our path a marriage
retreat that was just for couples in ministry with the unique struggles they go
through. We got three major take aways from that conference that put us back on
track and relaunched our marriage.
II. Lessons Pat Learned
1. Start all over – get remarried … – to the same person!
1. We heard Ray and Ann Ortland at a conference speak about this very thing of
us not being the person we married!
2. They said we need to renew our marriage vows with the people we have
become today.
3. And we need to remarry the person they have become over and over again
throughout the years.
4. Kim and I received that as God’s word for us and we did and have done that
repeatedly since then!
B. Secondly, while walking with Jesus is essential to a healthy relationship, marital
skills are very important too!
1. I felt if you just meet with Jesus regularly and walk with Him that is all you
need and that everything else in the marriage will fall in place supernaturally!
2. Yes, it is true that Jesus is essential to give you the heart you need for
marriage but the skills are very important to make you that much more
effective and less combative and stressful in your relationship.
C. Enter into, appreciate, and value your mate’s world!
Kim had entered into my world (my interests, my activities, my loves, etc.,)
but I never entered into hers! Remember I am serving God – I am a pastor I
need to focus on the more important things!
1. Read 5:25. Emphasize, "Gave himself up for her…"
a. That phrase "gave himself up for her" explains how a husband loves
his wife. He sacrifices himself in order to do what is best for her.
2. What God was challenging me to do was to "lay down or leave my world in
order to enter into her world." One of the things that Ephesians 5:25 is
calling husbands to do is to lay down their world, the things that come natural
to them, the things they are comfortable and familiar with and enter into their
wife’s world that is just as important and valuable as yours!"
3. All I had ever done was invite Kim to enter into my world of ministry and my
interests rather than entering into her world of responsibilities and her
interests.
4. Therefore, my new mission from God was clear. Meet my wife’s practical
needs that I had neglected for years and the only way that I was going to meet
it was by stepping outside of my world and entering into hers.
5. Not only is her world important but she is actually my number one ministry
even above the church and my number one relationship priority outside of
Jesus!
¨ A few other lessons God has taught us!
III. Lessons learned - Kim
A. It is important for a married couple to work as a team as a practical outworking of
what it means to be one.
Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12
“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For
if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one
who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie
down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? In addition,
if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three
strands is not quickly torn apart.”
1. Responsibilities: we work as a team and share in household duties and raising
& parenting our children according to our time schedules & commitments.
2. Decision making – we’ve learned to listen and hear each other out when
making major decisions and not act on a decision until we have both prayed
about it and are unified in it.
3. One area that I hear now and then with couples is the “mine and yours”
mentality regarding finances. You have become one and your names both
need to be on the bank accounts, credit cards, mortgage and car titles.
B. Take time to study your mate
1. Do you realize that God made males and females different? In fact, in Psalm
139, it says he made each one of us unique and different in our mother’s
womb, whether male or female.
2. Listen to this quote from Gary Thomas from his book “Cherish”…
“Your spouse has a unique history, so cherish your spouse by treating them
according to their reality. They are living a life that has never been lived
before. They have a personality that has never existed before. They have a
unique blend of strengths and weaknesses, temptations and gifts, as well as a
once-in-a-universe calling. Your role is to help them complete their one-of-akind
story.”
3. Take time to discover one another. Men, is she a verbal processor? Does he
need down time when he comes home from work? What are your spouse’s
hobbies, favorite flower, candy, food, types of movies, books, activities,
places they love to go? What energizes or depletes your mate? What are their
love languages (physical touch, receiving gifts, acts of kindness, words of
affirmation, quality time? What language(s) fill their love tank up?
4. What are their inner quality traits & characteristics? What areas are their
strengths & weaknesses?
5. Study your mates so you can begin to practically cultivate a relationship
where you both can express and cherish your love to each other according to
your knowledge of one another. Some ways to do this are:
a. Begin to and practice praising and affirming their inner character and
personality traits and strengths. i.e... smart, kind, funny, great sense of
humor, parent well, loyal friend, athletic, good listener, uses their time
wisely, great cook/griller/baker, creative, good provider, heart for God
and His Word, good listener, wise, teachable, or good teachers, live
within their means.
b. Pray often and regularly with them.
c. Lovingly exhort them to work on their areas of weakness and to excel
still the more physically, spiritually, emotionally and intellectually.
d. Pat with sils; love notes/candy bar under pillow/ in restaurant Pat said I
was kind and beautiful
6. Simply - come along side each other, support one another in becoming the
personal story that God has written for them, and created them to be.
7. Why this is important: your attentiveness and interest in one another will
deeply convey and communicate your undying, unwavering love for each
other. It will demonstrate that your spouse is the most important person in
your life other than Jesus. It will warm their heart toward you in such a way
that they will begin to naturally respond back to you in like manner.
8. It doesn’t take being a rocket scientist to study your mate and get to know
them.
IV. Final take aways
A. Of the things we heard today, which area needs the most attention for you to
improve your marriage?
a. Maybe you need to be remarried to the same person. Either publicly or
privately renew my vows with the person who my mate is today!
b. Study your mate and appreciate their uniqueness and unique needs!
c. Maybe it is another area we mentioned today
C. Conversation starter – You know what baby, ________________ is the area I
believe I need to give attention to in order for our marriage to excel still the more.
Is there an area God has spoken to you about?
D. You may have hit walls that are way more serious or bigger than mine and Kim’s
– remember as I said “skills are very important but turning to and trusting Jesus is
essential
1. We have people here to pray with you. 2 Corinthians 1:10b-11a
2. The song we are going to close with today is “there’s nothing that our God
can’t do” and that is true with your marriage and mine. One word, one touch
from Jesus and the power of heaven will be in your marriage– there is no
power like the power of Jesus! Jeremiah 32:17
E. As we sing this song this morning, sing it out in faith and your prayer to the Lord
regarding your life and marriage.
F. Pray for marriages!