The Struggle is Real // Week 4

Hurt and Forgiveness
Gen 37-50 Life of Joseph
October 13, 2019
I. Introduction:
A. Baby Announcement - Grayson Gary Borger was born September 26 to Matt and
Lexi. The proud grandparents are Gary and Tami Reyna. The proud great
grandparents are Don and Sharon Couwenhoven.
B. Today’s sermon is my most direct response to the Father’s Day sermon I gave a
year and a half ago about those who did not have a good relationship with their
parents. But the truths we learn from today’s message will apply to anyone who
has been hurt by someone, whether a parent, a mate, a trusted friend or even a
stranger! The various kinds of damage to the human soul still linger long after the
events took place.
C. The struggle is real and the pain is especially deep for those who have been hurt
by who is supposed to love you like a mate, parent, sibling, trusted friend, etc.
D. The goal of my message today is learn how to turn “victims” of people’s sins
against them into a “victors” over that sin!
• This morning I want to jump-start the process of healing by showing you three
lessons from the life of Joseph that turns victims into victors. Let’s start by seeing
how …
II. Joseph was a Victim
A. The first happened to Joseph when he was 17 years old. God had shown him in a
dream that someday he would rule over the rest of his family. When he shared
this dream with his family, it was not received very well.
1. One day when his brothers were out in the field with the flocks they saw
Joseph coming towards them and they plotted together to kill him.
2. Eventually rather than killing him, they sold him as a slave to some
Ishmaelite foreigners who were passing by on their way to Egypt.
3. When these Ishmaelites reached Egypt, they sold Joseph to an Egyptian
officer named Potiphar, who was the captain of the bodyguard.
4. So Joseph was literally sold into slavery by his own family.
B. Potiphar’s Wife
1. God was with Joseph and all that he did prospered. So Potiphar put him in
charge over everything that he owned.
2. Now Joseph was a handsome man and Potiphar’s wife desired to sleep with
him. Day after day, she offered herself to Joseph but he refused her offers.
3. One day Potiphar’s wife was tired of his rejections and grabbed his garment
as he was running away, and she made up a story that he tried to rape her.
Because her lie, Joseph actually ended up in jail!
C. While in jail through a long chain of events, Joseph ended up interpreting the
dream of one of the king’s servants who was in jail with him.
1. Joseph asked only one request, he asked the cup bearer that when it went well
with him to remember to mention Joseph to Pharaoh so he could get out of
the jail
2. Well the cupbearer forgot to mention Joseph to the Pharaoh and he spent two
more years in jail because of this man’s neglect and forgetfulness.
3. Eventually Joseph got out by God giving him the wisdom he needed to
interpret the Pharaoh’s dream.
D. The point is this, over a 13-year period from the age of 17 to 30; Joseph three
times had to bear the severe consequences of someone else’s sin or neglect.
• But what we learn from Joseph’s life are the lessons that turn a victim into a victor.
The first lesson we can learn from Joseph is
III. Seeking God in the midst of your pain
A. Read Gen 41:50-52
B. Now we know from the story as it goes on that Joseph did not forget the details of
what happened to him.
1. So forget is not used in the sense that God wiped the memory of the situation
clean from his mind,
2. Rather what happened to him was that God had broken the power of that
situation controlling and enslaving his mind.
C. Note that it was “God” who made him forget, and it was “God” who made him
fruitful. Reread v51 & 52 emphasizing “God”
1. It is important that we get face to face with God in the midst of our pain and
allow Him to do His work of healing us, breaking the power of that memory
and using our life and pain to bring glory to Him and blessing to others.
2. When God meets us in our pain and messes as someone has said, “our mess
become our message!” that God uses to bring life and grace to others
D. I mentioned last week that when we seek God in the places He is working
(programs, services, etc.) and deeply depend upon Him miracles happen! I call it
DD & DD. Due diligence on our part and deep dependence upon God
1. At Next Steps Table pick up resource cards!
2. This last week Emotional Resilience started and I was excited that some 80
people have put themselves in a place where God can work
3. This coming week on Thursday Night starts Celebrate Recovery, which is
specifically designed to help people who are struggling with hurts, hang-ups,
habits and addictions from eating to drugs and everything in between. Often
addictions are used to medicate our depression and emotions. Information is
available at the Next Steps table – Jeff Janulis
¨ So the first thing we need to do is position ourselves to involve God in our pain and
once we do that we are ready for the second lesson which is …
IV. Seeing God’s purposes in your pain
A. Joseph saw God’s sovereignty and purposes in the terrible sin that his brothers
committed against him.
1. Listen to what happened when Joseph first revealed to his brothers who he
was. Read Gen 45:5-8a.
B. Many people that I have met who have been seriously sinned against are still
seeing and interpreting their life through the lens of the sins against them.
C. When God is working in our hearts, we begin to see life from a completely new
perspective. We begin to see it from God’s viewpoint rather than our own. We
begin to understand that there is more going on in my life than what meets the
eye. There is a larger story going on than that of which I am aware.
• Illustrate the tapestry and my ability to see only a small piece of it and only
the backside of it that looks very messy.
D. Let me suggest two things that we know from Scripture that God is doing. We
know that there are more, but these are two major ones that have applications to
each of our lives.
1. Rom 8:28-29– conform us to the image of Jesus Christ.
2. Two Cor 4:7-10– manifest the indwelling life of Christ through us.
¨ Once we learn to experience God in the midst of our pain,
which allows us to see God’s purpose in our pain, then the final
lesson on turning a victim into a victor is …
V. Forgiving the offender
A. Read Gen 50:15-21
B. Forgiveness is essential to experiencing the deep healing within our souls. Yet it
is such a struggle as 2 Cor 2:10-11 tells us that we need to forgive lest Satan take
advantage of us because we are not ignorant of Satan’s schemes! Satan shots his
poison into our hearts through un-forgiveness and compounds the struggle!
C. The hardest part of forgiveness for me is when the person who hurt me does not
acknowledge they did it or does not apologize for what they have done. If
someone apologizes normally, God gives me quick grace to forgive. But what do
we do with those who have not:
1. As I wrestled with forgiving someone who hurt me and did not acknowledge
it or apologize to me. God spoke me through Jesus on the cross when He
said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing” –
a) Jesus forgave without anyone asking for forgiveness or
acknowledgement of their wrong doing
b) I could no longer hold out for an apology or acknowledgement – I
needed to forgive without that.
2. Last week we talked about two things
a) Room of grace – depend on Jesus for strength and next steps –
(1) It is not a program to follow or a principle to learn but a person, the
Savior, Jesus that gives us the ability and wisdom we need to walk
through this!
b) When we take a radical honest look in our hearts we see helplessness –
bigger than me, smarter than I am smart and stronger than I am strong –
(1) So I need to turn to Jesus to show me what I need to do next and
give me the strength to forgive!
D. Let me tell my story and how God met me on the issue of unforgiveness that was
controlling my heart towards those who hurt me!
1. I was at a conference when the speaker told his story of his need to forgive
some people that deeply hurt him. Afterwards the host of the conference
challenged us and gave us some time to examine our own hearts and the need
to forgive.
2. That time with the Lord at the end of that message ended up being four hours
long and my missing the entire afternoon session.
E. As I met with God that afternoon, He placed in my heart an image that set me free
and I have been free now for over ten years. This is what God spoke to me about
that day:
1. Need to hand over to God the “papers”, the ‘blood stained’ papers that have
all the offenses on it that this person has committed against me. That blood
stained list with “paid in full” written over it with Jesus’ blood. (Yes, they
are guilty as charged but Jesus paid for it in full.)
2. Get the keys from God, go to the prison of my heart, and open up the prison.
Then go back to the torture chamber of my heart where I have been mentally
and emotionally beating them up and making them pay for what they have
done to me, and set them free
3. Next, I needed to go over to the judgment stand where I had been hurling
accusations at them and set them free from my judgments and from thinking
evil about them.
4. Thank God, for the relationship I did have with this person and the blessing
they were to me.
5. Thank God, that He will use their wrong against me and all the pain that has
brought for a good purpose in my life.
6. Confess my sin of unforgiveness as being as great of a sin as what they did
against me
7. Resist the Devil from taking any further ground in my heart from my
unforgiveness
8. Pray a blessing for that person for their life.
9. Do all of this in Jesus’ name trusting Him to enable me for this.
E. Working through all these people, I had never forgiven and God genuinely setting
me free took about six weeks of going through this process. With each person I
journaled before the Lord about each different person or groups of people as to
exactly what they did and what I did and how I responded
VI. Conclusion
A. Turn to Psalm 123
1. Note the contempt in his soul. Read 3-4
2. But that contempt was placed on him by others
3. He is not saying it is his contempt for others that fills his soul but the
contempt that others placed on him. Modern day translation, “These people
have crapped on me and now I am full of their crap!”
B. How do I get rid of this crap in my heart? How do I release this from my heart?
1. Listen to 3a – God’s grace – only God can do this – it is a gift from God
2. Read v1-2
3. The same way a servant looks to the hand of their master for direction and
provision we must look to God for direction and provision until He provides
it!
a) We need to continually look to, rely upon, call upon and wait for the
Lord until He gives us the grace to forgive and let it go!