The Mystery of Marriage / Week 5 / The Grace of Submission

The Grace of Submission

Ephesians 5:21 July 18, 2021

I. Introduction:

A. Today I want to talk about one of the most beautiful and Christ-like graces, a

grace that should be at the heart of all our relationships as Christians

1. I call it a grace because it is a byproduct of being filled by the Holy Spirit of

God.

2. This grace is also very anti-North American which goes against the very

“independent” “me first” culture we live in.

3. It is a grace that has gotten a bad rap in the church by those who are more

influenced by the culture than they are by the Scriptures

4. This grace is submission.

B. Turn in your Bibles to Ephesians 5

1. We learned a few months ago when we studied this passage that being filled

with the Holy Spirit manifest four specific graces within us and these graces

both are the result of and when practiced reinforce us be filled by the Holy

Spirit!

2. These four graces are:

a) A heart fill with God’s Word and speaking it to one another

b) A singing heart of worship to the Lord

c) A heart of gratitude

d) A submission to one another in the body of Christ

C. Our specific concern today is with v21, which is the fourth result of being filled

with the Spirit! Read v21

1. We want to focus on that because it is the transitional verse that drives the

relationships that follows in the rest of chapter 5 and start of chapter 6, which

defines how we each submit to each other.

a) Husband – wife (love by laying down your life – respect by submitting

to the leadership of)

b) Child - parent

c) Servant – master, for us employee - employer

D. Submission simply means to rank oneself under someone else.

1. A synonym, a word with a similar meaning is: humility. Turn and read

Philippians 2:3-9

2. While obedience is a part of submission, submission in this passage has an

additional element to it that makes it very different.

a) Submission here is a willful and respectful act that comes from within

between two people who have a bond with each other.

(1) Here it is done out of a motive of love and respect for the Lord.

Reread v21

(2) Ultimately, we submit to each other for the Lord’s sake, out of

respect for Him and the structures and order that He has set up in

our relationships.

b) Obedience – can be done as a mere external act only, one that does not

require either a willingness or a bond between the people doing it.

E. So bottom line, submission is a grace that causes me to put myself below others

with humility rather than lifting myself up and fighting for my ways and rights.

1. It goes right for the heart of selfishness which marriage certainly allows us to

get in touch with how selfish we can be

2. It upsets our flesh as Romans 8 says the mind set on the flesh does not

subject itself to the law of God!

• Since submission is right at the heart of the way we relate to one another in marriage,

and a life of submission requires a life filled with the Holy Spirit! So our …

II. Marriage requires a deep dependence upon the Holy Spirit.

A. Remember our context – read Ephesians 5:18-21

B. When you think back of everything we have already talked about with marriage

…

1. Building on God’s foundations rather than our own and looking for marriage

to make us more holy than happy.

2. Where I study my mate to be able to bless them and accept them and embrace

them as they are today, not who we were when we got married

3. Living it like a covenant rather than a contract where I lay down my entire

life to live for them.

4. Learning to do the dance of oneness where I see and value their differences

as a blessing.

5. Where wives submit to and respect their husbands and husbands love and

cherish their wives!

6. Even today’s truth where we live humbly with each other, willingly

submitting our lives to each other for the Lord’s glory and each other’s

benefit.

C. If we are honest with ourselves, we will need God to do a miracle within us to

pull this thing off in a way that will be fulfilling to us and a blessing to our mates

and others!

1. What is impossible for us is Him-possible!

2. As we said earlier in this series, marital skills are important but depending

upon the Spirit of Jesus is essential.

D. Walking with and depending upon the spirit of Jesus has to be our number one

priority and relationship for the sake of the person we are married to and even our

own fulfilment and joy in marriage. But we must also seek to learn more and

sharpen our skills as well!

• Finally this series is being done

III. More as an architect than an engineer.

A. An architect makes the blueprints for a buildings appearance and function. An

engineer, on the other hand, will help put the architect’s plans into action. They

will figure out what is physically possible and what materials will be used.

They’ll also make decisions on issues of practicality and safety.

B. I know I am giving this series more like an architect as I lay out the biblical blue

print for marriage as to how it is to look and function. I have tried to throw in

some applications that move us more into the engineer realm.

1. The Holy Spirit is the engineer that takes our real life situations and

relationships, brokenness and uniquenesses and shows us how they work out

for us practically in our unique relationship and situation.

2. The Holy Spirit uses all sorts of different materials, people and practices to

teach us how God’s design for marriage, which we learn in the Bible, is to

work out in the streets of our daily life.

C. So being fully aware that every marriage in this room needs unique wisdom to

apply what they have learned and knowing that some of those are in crisis or

heading that way and desperately need help I want to close by giving you a few

resources that can help you engineer your marriage

D. Three books I have read

1. Cherish – Gary Thomas –teaches us what it looks like and practical ideas on

how to love our mates more out of the delight and want to of cherishing than

they have to of commitment!

2. You and Me Forever – Francis and Lisa Chan – takes the long view on

marriage all the way into eternity and rather than focusing on getting our

mates ready for retirement and the last few years here on earth how to get

them ready for the time we stand before Jesus. Living our marriage as part of

our mission for Jesus!

3. His Needs Her Needs – Willard Harley – his goal is to help us build a

marriage that lasts and to affair proof our marriages by helping us understand

what are practical ways to meet each other’s unique emotional needs! He

helps us understand our love tanks and the five top emotional needs of most

men and women!

4. Finally, any book on marriage will do. Read a chapter a week, then together

have a cup of coffee, and share with one another how God is speaking to you

about you through that chapter. There are hundreds of books and hundreds of

areas in marriage that need to be addressed!

E. Round table coming up 11:15 on August 22

1. Bottom line, we want to help and resource marriage to either build, maintain,

excel or address breakdowns in their marriage through practical, real life, on

the streets questions and advice.

2. We hope to have an updated resource list for those who have needs beyond

our ability to meet.

3. Take advantage of this, as we will be having two Christians who are

professional counselors on this round table as well as Kim and myself!

4. Make your questions super practical and super honest! To place a question

text marriage to 708 359 6610

F. Plugging into a mentor is like putting your relationship on steroids.

1. Someone further down the road than you that you can be honest with and

they can speak specifically to you right where you are at and what they have

learned.

2. Look around and ask!

G. A professional counselor may be needed for situations that are in crisis or are just

stuck!

1. That professionally trained and biblically knowledgeable counselor can give

you great wisdom to get you unstuck and excel in your marriage

H. Plug into a class, small group or seminar that will help you grow as a healthy

person or in your marriage

1. Emotional resilience on Tuesday nights here. The healthier you are the

healthier your marriage can be.

2. We have a series on finances that MVC now has on You Tube and will still

be offering more. Money is one of the major marriage stressors

3. Being in a small group and being honest with others about where you are at

for counsel, support and prayer is a great resource.

I. Prayer – allow us to put one hand on God and the other on our marriage and bring

the wisdom and power of God into our marriages!

1. After service

2. Partner or two