The Mystery of Marriage / Week 1 / The Mystery

The Mystery of Marriage

Ephesians 5:31-33 & Matthew 7:24-27 June 13, 2021

I. Introduction:

A. Marriage is a great mystery!

1. Turn in your Bibles and read Ephesians 5:31-33

2. By mystery it does not mean it is something that is very strange and cannot

be understood

3. But what it does mean is that it is a truth that cannot be known or understood

apart from the Bible revealing it to us.

4. Here in this context we learn that the mystery of marriage is that the deep

oneness that happens when a man and woman become husband and wife is

actually a picture of the oneness of that Jesus and the church experience in

their relationship.

B. This summer we are going to look at what the Bible says to us about marriage.

My hope is to lay a foundation for us regarding marriage that is based on the

Bible so we can stand the storms of what this culture is bringing against marriage

today. The storms that can come just by two people, who are equal in dignity as

persons but gloriously different as male and female living really close to one

another.

1. You know that when the foundation is off and weak the rest of the building

becomes vulnerable when stress and pressure is put on it.

2. That foundation has to be built upon God and His Word because God is the

creator of male and female, He is the one who instituted marriage as the

pinnacle of His creation! Everything God created up to that point was good

but after He created male and female in His image and instituted marriage He

said it is very good

3. God as the creator and designer of male and female along with marriage has

written an owner’s manual, the Bible. In the Bible He gives us wisdom about

many things that relate to marriage and how they were designed to work –

love, forgiveness, how to relate to one another, sex, parenting,

communications, how to handle conflict, money, what to do with our

weaknesses, etc.

4. When we ignore God and His Word when it comes to marriage, we do it to

our own hurt!

C. Turn to Matthew 7:24-27. Read

1. Let me illustrate that with the swing set we got when our daughters were real

young and I was new at MVC

a) Started with the owner’s manual then Roger, my next-door neighbor

came over with a better idea, “since pastors do not last long you can take

it with you…”

b) After setting it up, the next day, I am at church and Kim calls – there is a

problem…

c) Next day back to owner’s manual, and I followed it instructions and it

worked perfectly for over 30 years.

2. So many people are building their marriages in light of the ideas they have

heard and seen from “the Rogers” in their lives (experts in the world, parents

or friends) rather than by the instructions of the one who created male and

female and marriage.

• Today I am going to be speaking in a very general sense and in weeks to come we

will look at greater specifics from God’s Word. Let me start with two

II. Myths about marriage that make poor foundations!

A. Marriage was designed to make me happy!

1. I love the story Dr Henry Cloud told about a friend who told him “when I

was single, I was unhappy and insecure. Then I got married and I became

married, unhappy and insecure!

2. God is not against our happiness but there are much greater purposes for

marriage than that!

3. When we build marriage on happiness, when it starts to wane, and it will

wane, then we either blame our mate or ultimately leave our mate looking for

someone who will make me happy!

B. The second myth is marriage will complete me!

1. Sometimes people feel like they are not whole or like something is missing

until they find that soul mate and get married to them. They think they have

found that better half and now will be complete!

2. The Bible teaches us that a mate or any other person (for those of you who

are single) was never designed to complete us instead; they were designed to

make us better!

3. When we look to them to complete us, that is do something for us that only

God can do, we make them an idol and frustrate both them and ourselves.

4. When I get my completeness from God then I can move towards my mate to

give them blessings rather than to get from them something I need!

III. Now I want to share …

IV. Four counter cultural Bible truths that have shaped the foundation of Kim’s and my

marriage

A. First, marriage was designed to make me holy not happy

1. I first learned about this truth when I was reading the book by Gary Thomas

called Sacred Marriage.

2. It makes sense when you look at marriage through the lens of God’s ultimate

purpose in our life.

a) Romans 8:29 tells us that God predestined us to be conformed to the

image of His Son Jesus Christ and Romans 8:28 essentially tells us that

God causes all things to work together for this purpose.

b) Read Romans 8:28-29

3. This turns most North American perspectives about marriage upside down

and changes everything about the way I approach and respond to both the

good and tough parts about marriage!

a) So God is even going to use the things that make me unhappy in

marriage as part of His process to make me more like Jesus.

4. There is something going on in marriage that is bigger than my happiness!

B. Second marriage is a covenant not a contract.

1. Many may not know this but our whole relationship with God and His

program in this world is based upon covenant

2. I am going to spend a whole message on this but let me say one thing about

this now. Death and covenant are tightly tied together as the death both

ratifies and pictures for us the heart of a covenant.

3. So the one picture of death that I want to remind us of is that I have died to

myself and now I live for Kim and Kim has died to herself and now she lives

for me!

a) Everything I do, every decision I make should be for her benefit and not

mine.

b) I am laying down my life to bless her!

4. This is no different from our new covenant relationship with the Lord where

we no longer live for ourselves but we live for Him while at the same time

He commits himself to care for us!

5. There is something going on in marriage that is bigger than I am!

a) So let me ask you men – the last time you kissed your wife did you do it

to get a blessing or to give her a blessing?

C. The third cherishing is the driver of love, commitment is the spare tire

1. I hear people often say love and marriage is all about commitment. I disagree

with that 99%.

2. While commitment is an aspect of love, it is not the driver. Cherishing your

mate should be the driver in your marriage. To cherish them means that I

have a soft and tender heart towards them that values them highly and I care

for them with a tender love.

3. Commitment is more about I have to do it because I promised her versus the I

get to do it because I delight in her that comes from cherishing.

4. Ladies, let me ask you this – would you rather have your husband hold your

hand and kiss you because he delights in you and wants to or because he has

to because he married you?

5. Commitment is a part of love but it is the part that comes when the cherishing

is not going well, then I pull out the spare tire of commitment and use that

until the cherishing is restored.

6. The Song of Solomon is clearly a picture of a couple that cherishes one

another!

D. Fourth, marriage models our relationship with Jesus

1. It is my opportunity to model how Jesus loves us to Kim, my kids and the rest

of the world!

2. That is where we started today in Ephesians 5 and we will be back to that

passage at least four times in this series.

3. But simply the way that I treat my wife and the way she treats me becomes

one of the greatest visuals God has given to us in our witness to a lost world

and to help grow other believers in this.

4. The love and respect that should be there between a husband and wife and the

kind of love that Jesus has for us and the kind of respect His people give Him

is better caught by couples who model it than taught by preachers who preach

it!

V. Conclusion

A. What if I discovered this morning that my foundations are so far off that I need an

overhaul in my marriage? Good news – that is what Jesus is all about!

1. He not only saves us from the penalty of sin but also from the power of sin in

our lives and marriages!

2. He gives us the Holy Spirit to dismantle sin in our lives and to build the life

and heart of Jesus into us!

B. I think many couples need to have a very honest conversation this week

1. To see how closely their marriage is built upon the foundations that can face

the storms of this world and this life.

2. And how deeply they are depending upon the Holy Spirit to transform them

and their marriages into something that matches the instructions in the

owner’s manual!

C. Pray